I have seriously sat here trying to decide what to write about for a few minutes and i truly have no idea. What is the goal of having a blog? Let's be honest... It's more of a glorified journal than anything else. More of something that stay at home moms or hipsters spend time doing then a 24 year old boy/man (caught somewhere in between). My very first journal was a Snoopy themed novel with a small lock. And i remember within the first day i already forgot the password and had to break the lock. Apparently, I really wanted to get my thoughts on a page, my 8 year old self was very clear in what he wanted. The first page said something like this. "Dear diary, Only you can read what i am writing in my journal. If you are not my journal or Colby. Maybe you should not be reading this journal."
Now here i am 16 years later encouraging my friends and strangers to gain insight into my mind. Scary, huh? I will do my best to be open and honest with myself and with you. And if i can eject these thoughts on a page that can potentially help others or myself that will be the goal. But from here on out i will only speak the truth or what i know to be true. And i hope that these thoughts will connect with you. So my first journal entry in my new journal will go something like this. "Dear diary, please share this with whoever wants to see. And if they connect thank you."
With all of that being said let me get to the first thing that has been on my mind for a while.
Fear
Recently we have been struck with terrible acts of violence. The boston bombings, the sandy hook shooting, the colorado theater shooting. But violence is not our greatest fear or what affects us most daily. What scares you? What are you afraid of? To be personal and honest with myself i battle with the fear of being alone. Loneliness scares me senseless. The fear of losing what matters most to me and the people i care about. It shows to me what i value and what i cherish. I am also scared of being someone i am not. Of doing things out of habit and not joy. Funny thinking about fear teaches you who you really are.
We have all these distractions to hide from what we are afraid of right? The last time i was terrified of myself i spent hours listening to music, checking Instagram, and watching Who's Line on youtube. It's so easy to avoid fear. One thing i know to be true is we are all battling fear.. Daily. Whether its the fear of not getting an A in your next class. The fear of not providing enough for your family. Or for me the fear of just not being myself.
But what if instead of distracting ourselves from the fear. We take the time to think about what scares us and face it head on. Today i will THINK. I will focus and try to think. And once i understand why i am scared. I will face one thing that frightens me. Just one little thing. And hopefully you will do the same.
